meds and outbursts

Thanks to the last week or so, I have decided to take my medication again. I am starting slow. I have been taking it for two days now. I think it is helping, but being a pharmacy tech I know that it takes longer then that for these things to work. However, I am also taking a steroid dose to help with the pain in my feet. I have been taking that for two day also. I think that is the reason why I am doing better.  Maybe it was the pain in my feet and legs that was causing me to be a  witch. I suppose we will have to see what happens after the dose pack is finished and out of  my system. I will be seeing my doctor on Friday to discuss my conversion disorder. It has been three months since I have seen her; that is the longest it has been between appointments since I got sick. It has now been over two years. I wish everyday I had the same stamina that I had before. I am twenty seven but feel like I am much older.

Adam

Adam's outbursts have gotten out of hand lately. Tonight he kicked his sister in the face because he was mad at me. He spent most of the day in his room for not listening. He has lost his computer time for today and tomorrow and also lost his TV. It seems like we have just been taking things away all day. He threw a fan across the room and broke the cover for it. I am hoping once school starts things will get better with him. I just don't know what to do with him sometimes. Some days it is a struggle to deal with him. 

Angry all of the time

I have been angry all of the time for everything. I know that it is probarbly because I have not taken my meds in almost one month. Why? I know it is not a good practice. Let's see....my thought process .....I first thought with all of the cravings (see FB posts) I might be prego. I don't know if these was wishful thinking or the fact that all of my 'friends' on facebook were asking me. I knew that my meds were scary to take during a pregancy so I stopped them. I should had taken a test before that decision, but like I said I think I was wishful thinking. Hubby and I have had the conversation about having another one for quite awhile. I want to, he doest not..you get the point. Then my thirst and going to the bathroom a lot. I actually had an accident overnight in my bed. That has not happen since I was a child. So then I thought maybe diabetes. I was going to return to taking my meds after realizing that the chances of me be prego were pretty slim. (Mirena)

However, I knew that if I were to get back on them the headaches would start and I would have side effects from going back on them. So I stayed off. Now it has been four weeks and I am surprised my whole family has not walked out on me.

I am MAD at everything. The fact that my husband is breathing my air is enough to spat off a hour of dicussion, and don't get me started if he actually says ANYTHING. Then it is the kids, house, work, writing, blogs, and etc.....EVERYTHING IS JUST PISSING ME OFF!!!

Hating life

It has been a few days since I wrote anything. I was hoping to get out of my funk. Although that is why I opended this blog in the first place; to help me when I am feeling blue. The last week I have been filled with a lot of hatred for my life. All that I wanted to be growing up was a wife and a mother, and now all I want to be is me. As much as I love my husband and kids, I feel like they have taken over the very thing that make me me.

I love my kids, but I hate not being able to sleep in.

I love my job, but I hate when people scream at me for mistakes.

I love nothing about my house, I need a new house.

This sucks the more I write the more I can think of things I hate. I wish my love was not in such a stand still. I have found out that a few of my friends are expecting new babies. I want a new baby. My husband does not want in more, and to be honest I am not healthy enough to have another. My daughter will be four and Adam is seven. I feel like the good times are passing me by. I still have to wait a long time until any more milestones come to pass. grr! I wish I could just go away.