A depressed mother's rant

Yes, I am a mother. Yes, I suffer from depression (among other mental illnesses). Right now things are just very hard. Bills, kids, housework...and finances are taking a toll on me. I feel overwhelmed and lost. The deep hole of depression has taken a hold. Oh yeah...did I forget to mention the car is not working, either. I can come up with a million reasons why I am depressed now. However, the major reason is because I am a depressed person. I think my life sucks right now and I would be better off not here. Someone tonight told me I need to talk to someone before I slit my wrists. To which I replied "I am almost there"..."Don't be silly" they said..."you have kids to worry about, what would they do without you?". What would they do without me? They would not have to see a mom that cries everyday, they would not have to deal with a mom that yells everyday, and maybe they would be happy to have a mom that does not have to struggle to get out of bed. I wonder if my kids would not be better in foster care. Surely, there is a nice couple out there that could do better for my children then I have done for them. These are just some of the thoughts that go through my head when I think like this. When my depression takes over it is hard to be the mom that I have always wanted to be. Is there any hope for me? Would it not be better if I just gave up?

My first blog

Why am I blogging? It could be that I am a parent of a high-functioning disabled child, parenting through various mental illnesses or because I want to be a published author someday. All of these are reasons why I started my blog. They are presented their own set of problems. I was told to pick a niche, but I think they have all been done. It is also hard for me to keep up with all of the projects I have started. If you take a good look at my house you can tell that my depression sometimes cripples me from doing anything I start. My house is a mess, I am continuing stepping over trash. This is just because I am too depressed or overwhelmed to start the cleaning process. My son has ADHD, Asperger's (unoffical diagnosis as of late), physical limitations (two surgeries on his ankle joints), and impluse control issues. I suffer from depression, anxiety and conversion disorder. I have started to write articles for Associated Content. I have always wanted to be a writer. However, I (once again) can not seem to finish anything I start. I have now developed a personal goal of having something published, or at least queries sent to agents, by the time I am thirty years old. I am currently twenty seven. We will see what happens.