In my life there are many issues (depression, stress, ADHD, ADD, Autism, Physical disabilities, etc.), but I hope that I can bring hope to others that have to deal with their own issues. From one person that is suffering with mental illness, I hope to break free of my dark cloud to offer help to others.

Friday, August 20, 2010

A depressed mother's rant

Yes, I am a mother. Yes, I suffer from depression (among other mental illnesses). Right now things are just very hard. Bills, kids, housework...and finances are taking a toll on me. I feel overwhelmed and lost. The deep hole of depression has taken a hold. Oh yeah...did I forget to mention the car is not working, either. I can come up with a million reasons why I am depressed now. However, the major reason is because I am a depressed person. I think my life sucks right now and I would be better off not here. Someone tonight told me I need to talk to someone before I slit my wrists. To which I replied "I am almost there"..."Don't be silly" they said..."you have kids to worry about, what would they do without you?". What would they do without me? They would not have to see a mom that cries everyday, they would not have to deal with a mom that yells everyday, and maybe they would be happy to have a mom that does not have to struggle to get out of bed. I wonder if my kids would not be better in foster care. Surely, there is a nice couple out there that could do better for my children then I have done for them. These are just some of the thoughts that go through my head when I think like this. When my depression takes over it is hard to be the mom that I have always wanted to be. Is there any hope for me? Would it not be better if I just gave up?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Because suicide is an easy way out. Regardless if you think your kids would be better off with out you its not the truth. They are your children and you are the only mother they will have. You should get want to get out of bed every morning for them. For there might be that moment when an I love you mommy, or a simple hug and kiss will make it all worth while. Depression is not something you use as a crutch. There are many therapy options avaliable. Your kids deserve a happy mother, you brought them into this world they had no choice in the matter. Suicide is a selfish way out of your problems. You need to overcome your issues not for yourself but for them and only them.

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