In my life there are many issues (depression, stress, ADHD, ADD, Autism, Physical disabilities, etc.), but I hope that I can bring hope to others that have to deal with their own issues. From one person that is suffering with mental illness, I hope to break free of my dark cloud to offer help to others.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

LIfe: could be and has been worse

I have been so depressed lately, and like sunlight through the clouds I am trying to focus on the good things. Perhaps, I need a lesson in learning to appreciate where I am and where I have been. I have been so focused on the bad things that are going on right now that I have forgotten where I came from. My parents have a tendency to remind me how much they think I have 'grown' and how I should be proud of where I am. There is not a day that goes by that one parents does not tell me how proud they are of me and how much they love me. I wonder sometimes how they can still love me with my life being such a mess, but they remember all  the bad things I have been through. They like to focus on the good things I have going on. I thank my parents everyday for being the people they are. My friends were always accepted at my house when I was little (unless they hurt me, but any parent is like that), and my parents had a way of watching out for me and letting me learn my own mistakes. It is a balancing act. Let me take a moment to reflect on how life has been worse.

1996 (Age 13)- lost my best friend to suicide (I never thought I would accept my life without her)

1998- This was the year I started a relationship that would turn into a four year physical abuse relationship (I had always thought I would have been trapped in this prison)

2002- get out of the physical relationship but had no job and no home (after my parents being right about my boyfriend, I didn't dare go live with them again so I bounced from one place to another)

2002- get married in a split second decision at the courthouse to a sex offender that convince me that he was the 'one' (he was the 'one' to make me pregnant, cheat on me, lie to me, and verbal abuse me)

2003- now I was homeless with a infant and a husband that had left me as I started my journey post partnum

2003- my grandfather passes away from cancer (he suffered way to long)

2008- my parents separate after almost thirty years of marriage (divorce is just as hard on adult children as young children)

May 15, 2008- This is the day I went to the ER with my right side numb from the arm down (my conversion reaction) I had to spend too long in a wheelchair, in therapy, and out of work. My speech was gone and I didn't know if I could sing Happy Birthday to my daughter that year.

I stopped by my grandmother's house the other day, and all she could say was how great I looked. Sometimes I forget about the other things I have overcome and how I am a better person for what I have been through. I suppose next time I am feeling down and like there is no way out; I just need to like at all I have done and realize that things could have and have been worse.  

No comments:

There was an error in this gadget
There was an error in this gadget